Sometimes as a coach, you may feel stuck…. I am writing this because I am stuck. I can’t find the “principle” that will let me move onto the right coaching path.
The generic advice is always so straightforward:
- Don’t be autobiographical.
- Let the client talk.
- Your client matters. Find their sweet spot.
When you talk about your background, you are giving advice rather than giving your client the space to explore their own possibilities.
This is all great advice. As I work more with budding coaches, this is the hardest piece for them to avoid and is definitely one of the key areas where they change from being a coach to being a professional coach.
Here is why I am stuck:
If I don’t “share my thoughts, feelings and experiences then I am maintaining a detached (almost clinical) approach to the coaching session. My lack of disclosing behavior inhibits my client’s disclosing behavior.
There is an old adage in sales that “They won’t care until they know you care.” I can’t figure out how to show I care without being autobiographical.
When I share too much, the conversation becomes about our common experiences rather than about their opportunity to change their path.
So what are my options? Am I just making much ado about nothing? How do you find the coaching balance?
Help me out. Comments are much appreciated. Please share below in the comment section!
I think I know how you feel, as I often find myself wondering the same too. Part of being of coach instead of a teacher is that you have the practical experience and can share what’s worked so others can benefit and find a shorter/better/path. Coaches know when to bark or when a hug is needed with ‘you can do again.’ Without those stories, feelings, experiences, you just simply a dispenser of information. I say keep on, keep on…. perhaps always a reminder question ‘what is it you were hoping to come with away today?”
Grace – It’s so great to find another soul like myself who, when I am working through something in my mind, I blog about it!
I am a coach too, but without formal training, so I never got the rules you mentioned (I know some people will cringe at this point…). I’m autobiographical with my clients quite a bit – and it’s one of the things that they appreciate about me! I don’t overpower them, or make it all about me. A lot of times, the stories come out are ones of when I fell down on my path – normalizing failures to get them out of the idea that one failure spells their doom.
I don’t know where the line is drawn precisely, but my gut does. Sometimes I want to jump in with a story, but that internal nudge I rely on clamps my lips shut, and I wait. i just wait and listen and wait and listen. The story either comes up later, or it doesn’t.
Sometimes people are seeking warmth, empathy, and connection, as opposed to sitting in the silence waiting for their own answers with the coach as the encouraging (but quiet) witness. I think in coaching, both roles are important. The trick is trusting our gut to know which direction to take in any given moment with a client.
Thanks for creating the opportunity to think through this in writing!