“The human race is notorious for being afraid of the wrong things. The trail of history is littered with discarded fears that once erroneously controlled mankind’s destiny.” ~Andy Stanley
Fear is probably the biggest hobgoblin in the direct sales profession.
A list of fears is pretty easy to generate:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of speaking
- Fear of rejection by family and friends
- Fear of being used
- And on and on and on.
Coaching To Encourage Faith
In the abstract, most coaching advice is about finding a way to reject the fear:
- How can you tell that inner critic to shut up?
- What’s the worst thing that could happen if you flopped?
- Is it better to try and fail than never to have tried at all? (Yeah, but I love the cliché.)
- How can you see this situation differently from the million times you failed in the past?
- Go ahead and fail; you will learn more from your failure than you ever would by succeeding (I just made that last part up.)
If you were to talk with a performance coach about your fear, the most likely scenario has you being told to “get over it” in one way or another.
A book by Andy Stanley, recently opened my eyes to another alternative.
The subtitle of the book will give you some idea of my revelation: A Place Beyond Your Deepest Fears. A Prize Beyond your Wildest Imagination. Stanley was writing about giving money to the church and the fears that people have about running short if they give their money away. While I’m not going to delve into religious faith, the questions he raises are still good ones for coaches to consider. For me, the core question changed. The question is not, “How do we overcome our fear of xxx?” The real question is “How can you grow your faith to go beyond the fear?”
No matter how much we talk about fear is just “False Evidence Appearing Real,” the client believes it is real. Why spend time trying to help your client understand that 99% of what they fear will never happen? The future is not fixed. It is an uncertain proposition and something is going to happen and it just might be the biggest fear. Your client’s fears exist and to operate otherwise is like pushing water uphill.
Wouldn’t it be easier to help your client build faith? When the faith is big enough, the fear becomes irrelevant. The fear isn’t gone. It is just given boundaries. While I’m sure there are other ways to grow faith, here are three questions that work for me.
1. Ask, “What are you bringing to this situation that is likely to make you successful?” This question isn’t about your client’s fear of throwing up at her party or never getting to that next leadership level or being disowned by her family. It’s about what she does—day in and day out—that makes her successful in most circumstances. When you discover what gives her confidence, you have the beginning of faith.
2. Ask, “What is one little thing you can do that will be a successful step?” Fear is not about little things. We are scared of the BIG failures. “I won’t make any money.” “My husband will laugh at me.” “I’ll never be a leader.” Little things like I’ll get lost going to her house, the invitations will get lost in the mail, her dog will bite me, and so on, don’t really produce fear. So what can you do without fear of failure?
3. Ask, “Will it matter when you are ninety?” I see myself in a nursing home, gumming my oatmeal in the morning, have a nice scotch before bed, and needing help changing my adult diapers. With a vision like that of my final days, do I really have anything to fear? Do you?
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